Birthday Wishes

~A slice of love from my soul sister G~

Today is my birthday and I am 39.  The last year of my 30's.  The end of a decade.  And I find myself in need of, ha..get this... focus.  It is my chosen word for the year and I feel as if I am starting to crave it from the inside out.  Things are moving full steam ahead, flying by me at warp speed.  Yet, I am standing still.

Within the past week I have the innate sense to recreate everything...a good and bad quality of mine.  Good in the sense that I have high standards, bad in the sense that it always costs me money :P  I do suppose it is because as I evolve, I change my vision and I want that inner vision reflected outward.  It it bad to have this change swirl all around me?

So, on my birthday I want to list a few things that I am thankful for...share them with you, my friends:
************************************************
I am thankful for...
~ my family, my small little unit of love that keeps my heart afloat
~my friends, they fill my life with laughter and craziness...they are priceless to my sanity
~ being able to wake up every day on this earth and feel that I am alive
~my growing sense of Spirituality, my increased abilities and connection to all things spiritual
~my ability to create and share beauty with the world
~ the knowing that all challenges and obstacles are what have shaped my soul
~ the drive and determination to be self employed...I still need to overcome the fear of no safety net
~ my wings to fly

Thank you to all who have wished me beautiful greetings this day...I love you all!
XO
Kasia

A New Year...Snow Days, Words and New Beginnings

~*::The stream behind my home...can you see the snow falling?::*~

The snow was gently falling that day.  The stream had frozen over and everything was covered with a generous, prisitine fluffy blanket.  It was on this snowy day that I picked the words that will symbolize my year to come.  I know that I'm only supposed to pick one, but they just kept on coming at me, fast and furious.

So I give you my Words of 2010...

Fun

Fearless

Fruitful

Forward

Each one symbolizes an aspect of me that I have to work on or a part that I need to support.

Fun...to play more and enjoy more of what life has to offer.  With working a full time job and having my own business, I feel that I sometimes (ok, more often than not) neglect that happy part of me that wants to be a kid and make snow angels.  I need to be more like that little girl that so desperately just wants to laugh and be free to run with the wind in her hair.  This year, I will have fun.

Fearless...to keep those nasty naysayers at bay that lurk deep down inside and love to make oscar worthy cameo appearances just when I think that I can do anything.  Most often, they win and I keep wondering if anyone got the license plate of the bus that just hit me!  Even today, I have doubts about what will happen later in the day (a llittle secret that I can reveal at another, more appropriate time).  Am I good enough to sell myself and my abilities to the highest bidder?  This year, I will be fearless.

Fruitful...the word of 2009 was bloom.  I spent the whole year growing and learning, unfurling my petals so that the world could see the potential inside.  This year, I need to take that beautiful bloom and let it turn into the ripe fruit that will allow me to reap the harvest of life.  Even  as the blossom is beautiful, it will not sustain and nourish.  It is only the fruit of that sweetly scented blossom that can satisfy the body, mind and spirit.  This year, I will be frutiful.

Forward...this is the year for momentum.  Many lessons have been learned in the past year...some difficult and others just as reaffirmations.  Yet, each on has let me create motion, forward motion, to fulfilling my soul destiny.  I am not there yet.  That is ok.  But, the puzzle pieces that have started to come together last year are now making a picture that has some clarity, some direction.  That direction is forward.

Silently

Silently, I contemplate

my release

the purging of my soul

has no boundaries

I am awash with the mysteries

of myself

captured and enamoured

by the complex simplicity

that lies in my heart

Silently, I grieve

Am I to be only half full?

A meager displacement of the wonder

that I have been

in lives before?

Or am I to be

an overflowing cask 

of the sweetest wine

that leaves a warmth in your belly

and a yearning in your heart?

Silently, I dream

I yearn for my new lifetime

Full of amazement and adventure

I look for the breaking open

where the chasm can release

the greatness that has been held inside

for aeons

Silently, I wait.

Inspired Life Lesson #10/Inspire Me Mondays...Closure

~*::{Mary, our Protectress and Angel of New Beginnings}::*~

This week I am combining two of my usual posts into one. You see, this is a week for closure. A time to pay our respects to a beloved person that has passed on to another place filled with light and love. It is also a time where signs and symbols of our old lives have ceased to exist for us...a time where you realize that all that you were in the past no longer has a hold on your future.

I have held on the struggle of other's expectations for myself for all of my life. I have burdened my soul with notions that I must shield and protect myslef by burrowing in and creating barriers to keep me safe and warm. This past week, I believe that I have started to have closure on the death of a person that others have wanted me to be, and not the one that I have become.

Have you ever had someone look right through you, as if you didn't exist? The feeling is quite unnerving, especially if the person was once thought to be the "love of your life". ( I have since come to know the truest of love from another, my awesome husband, Keith. I am also grateful for seeing his true worth and the depth of his soul...but that is another whole post) Funny though, I belive that this was all quite timed and perfect, because for the first time, it did not matter that I was invisible. I had achieved closure. For this, I am greatful. For he was the part of my past that was riddled with destruction and foolishness. With acting out all the pain and fear that I held so deeply inside..for way too long.

So, for this week I applaud closure and all of the wonderful things that it affords us. I say hooray to the ending of relationships and phases in our lives, for with the end of one thing, there is an opportunity to begin something brand new. This year is all about that for me... I am grateful and Inspired.

Inspire Me Mondays...the weight of water

~*::{From my garden}::*~

The flowers are falling

heavy from

God's tears

encumbered by the

weight of water

they are no longer

held up

by resisitance

their stalks bent

their faces turned

downward

as if in deep

prayer

I suppose

it is fitting

that the flowers

are a reflection

of a heavy heart

kneeling on the

soggy ground

waiting for the sun

to come and dry

its tears

Today

I am held up

by the weight

of water

for after the floods

come rebirth

and renewal

new sprouts of grass

stand up with vigor

flowers turn their faces

to the sun

able to breathe

once again

The Heart of a Fake Rose

~*::{The Heart of a Fake Rose}::*~

I sat there

transfixed
knowing that I
could have
should have
been the one
up on stage

Funny how life
directs
the symphony
sometimes
the cacophony
of our concert
our heart wrenching
ballade
our soul stirring
song
that is slightly
off key

I am faced
by my flat notes
my opportunities
squandered
all for the love of
nothing
that has made me feel
inadequate
and sad
that I have not
taken all
that had been
set before me

I have left my meal
half eaten
yet my soul
still hungers
my wine is spilled
on the tablecloth
stains of lust
and denial
and I am
parched

How has this
become my
circumstance
From where
do I lay
my next step
that leads me
from
myself

Inspire Me Mondays...the water and the wind

Yesterday

I took a walk

by the water

to ease my

scattered soul

I desperately

needed

to feel the heavy

water laden breeze

against my skin

a cleansing mist

to remove the

uncertainty

that is stirring inside

Along my walk

there were crayfish claws

scattered about

in random places

it's carcas found later

down the path

How fitting

for I too felt

pulled from every direction

my limbs overextended

my will scattered and torn

my desire, belly up



Today, I am right side up

ready to face the day

a little more connected

on the outside

slightly more settled

on the inside

thanks to the water

and the wind

that has restored

my desire

to keep walking down the path

Inspired Life Lesson #8...Intention

~*::{Flowers for me, from a friend}::*~

I have never had much patience

everyone tells me so
I am always in overdrive
a flood of information
at the drop of a hat

this scares some people

I suppose my intensity
has never been channeled
into a proper
purpose
I do know
that if I set my mind to something
if I truly desire it
it will be mine

the power of intention is amazing

I was told yesterday that this year
from birthday to birthday
is made up of three principles
for me
intention
expansion
healing
all three working
in synergy

a spiral of force surrounding love

I was also told that
I need to take a breath
and not peek at the souffle
in the oven
for it won't rise
if it isn't allowed to work
in the right time

I send forth my intention
for myself and my conspirators
that we three gain the courage
to be exactly what we need to be
at the right time for us
and to not fear
those who don't believe in our possibility
especially ourselves
seeing with clear vision
what we are about to become