~:: At the Fair, with Feathers in our hair ::~
This summer has been a whirlwind. It's been jam packed with parties + get togethers, sleep overs + coming of age... a summer of busy busy + then wait.
That four lettered word that strikes angst and turmoil in side of me. That dreaded shadow that lurks in the corners, snickering as you sweat it out...as you push your comfort levels...as you wait.
I am not your most patient person. Just ask my friends...they'll tell you for sure. I am of the generation of instant gratification, of click and it magically appears, of thank you... what's next. In so many ways I am a product of my upbringing and of the time where my earliest senses of patience developed. I am a product of my environment for sure, always living for the next thing and not being present in the moment of now. For some reason, I have always lived in the future. To what reason, I'm not sure. Quite possibly I have formed my defenses to surround me and push me forward to live in a better time because, when I was young, the present was too painful. Some things are hard to unlearn. The future always holds hope + possibility...much easier to live there than here.
So, as this summer has pressed on at warp speed, I have found myself in a very unique space. In between the hectic pace and the desperate need to relax...which I have not really done by the way... I have come to the uncomfortable space where old beliefs fall away and new ones emerge. A space that is uncomfortable, confusing, desperate + needy...but necessary. A space where boundaries are redefined and old values no longer exist. A space where you are suspended in air, holding your breath... a space where you float.
So many wonderful things have happened this year for me... the Emmy Swag Bag, my Buffalo News + Corbie's Radio interview, the potential for a new direction with my business. I am so greatful!
And yet, I keep coming back to this position of float...
I'm not sure if this is just the uncomfortable space of growth. As I said before....I have to fight my urges for the quick return. The instant gratification. The fast payback. I have had to learn that the energy that I put out is directly proportional the the return I will receive.
The more energy the greater the return.
The farther out this energy goes...the longer it takes to come back.
It's like an explosion...energy goes up and out. The up energy falls back quickly, in a small radius of initial impact while the out energy stretches far and wide affecting a large radius.
Accepting the residuals of the up energy is easy...that is instant gratification. It's fast, quick + sometimes furious. Learning to wait for the out energy is a more difficult task. It's the long haul. The leisurely stroll. The turtle finally crossing the finish line.
The patience of waitng.
The art of floating.
The zen of hurry up + wait.
Waiting for the next step.
Allowing the energy to come back to me.
Leaving the door open for opportunity.
Opening the window for hope.
Floating above the uncomfortable space of growth.
Letting go of doubt.
Letting in love.
Let yourself float + learn to live the life that is yours alone.