Fragments

The tree fell to the ground

hard

thump

shatter

splinter

crash

silence

shards of technicolor glass

everywhere

fragments

pieces

slices

of my past

teardrops start to fall

down their

cheeks

hands

my heart

I have lost my past

in an

instant

moment

minute

lifetime

I kneel on the floor

amidst the glass

poked

sliced

bleeding

fingers

remembering the wounds

of yesterday

my past is no more

just shattered

and discarded

like the glinting

rainbow of glass

collected

in my weary hands

:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*

Dedicated to my Christmas tree that decided that it had had enough glitz and gllimmer for one year and simply wanted to take a rest ...on the floor, facedown, shattering almost every vintage (and not so vintage) glass ornament.  We had just finished decorating the tree and I, following a little tradition of giving my girls a new ornament every year, went to pull my spoils from the bag.  The girls squeeled in excitement as they sat on the couch examining the new ornaments, when out of nowwhere I turned to see the tree going horizontal...fast.  I was thinking about how I had loved all of my old  and scraped up ornaments.  They were a symbol of my childhood that was filled with fear, abuse, abandonment and poverty.  Funny, I had thought that even though those ornaments were battered, scarred, chipped and stained, they had still found a way to shine just as brightly as the new and sparkly ones.  In fact, I had a deep fondness for them more, than any other ones in the bunch.  Now, they were gone.  Shattered and broken to pieces.  Tiny little shards of my past...gone in an instant.  Maybe it was God's way of saying to me...let go of the past troubles, they are gone now...you are free to start a new past after you pick up the pieces.  This Christmas does start a new chapter of my life as things have come full circle, as they say.  It is a close to a year that has seen the prospect of death, renewed life and the loss of those we love.  It has been a year of change and evolution ..for my will, my instinct, my craft and my soul.  A year ago at this time, I wasn't even sure if another Christmas would come to pass for me...a reconing that I will never forget.

I am a different person at this moment because of all that has gone before me ...

and I am grateful.