Sunday, December 20, 2009

Fragments


The tree fell to the ground
hard
thump
shatter
splinter
crash
silence
shards of technicolor glass
everywhere
fragments
pieces
slices
of my past
teardrops start to fall
down their
cheeks
hands
my heart
I have lost my past
in an
instant
moment
minute
lifetime
I kneel on the floor
amidst the glass
poked
sliced
bleeding
fingers
remembering the wounds
of yesterday
my past is no more
just shattered
and discarded
like the glinting
rainbow of glass
collected
in my weary hands
:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*
Dedicated to my Christmas tree that decided that it had had enough glitz and gllimmer for one year and simply wanted to take a rest ...on the floor, facedown, shattering almost every vintage (and not so vintage) glass ornament.  We had just finished decorating the tree and I, following a little tradition of giving my girls a new ornament every year, went to pull my spoils from the bag.  The girls squeeled in excitement as they sat on the couch examining the new ornaments, when out of nowwhere I turned to see the tree going horizontal...fast.  I was thinking about how I had loved all of my old  and scraped up ornaments.  They were a symbol of my childhood that was filled with fear, abuse, abandonment and poverty.  Funny, I had thought that even though those ornaments were battered, scarred, chipped and stained, they had still found a way to shine just as brightly as the new and sparkly ones.  In fact, I had a deep fondness for them more, than any other ones in the bunch.  Now, they were gone.  Shattered and broken to pieces.  Tiny little shards of my past...gone in an instant.  Maybe it was God's way of saying to me...let go of the past troubles, they are gone now...you are free to start a new past after you pick up the pieces.  This Christmas does start a new chapter of my life as things have come full circle, as they say.  It is a close to a year that has seen the prospect of death, renewed life and the loss of those we love.  It has been a year of change and evolution ..for my will, my instinct, my craft and my soul.  A year ago at this time, I wasn't even sure if another Christmas would come to pass for me...a reconing that I will never forget.

I am a different person at this moment because of all that has gone before me ...

and I am grateful.

3 comments:

Barefoot from Heaven said...

Oh my Kasia, you made me still, very very still. My heart goes out to you right now.

And I do believe God was saying these words to you with the meaning a new path is there for you to follow.

I'm gladd you took a picture of your fragile old ornaments. Make it a memory and do move on. You're doing such a great job here my friend. You achieved so much with your business.

And you do have your girls. So be loved my friend. And things will be okay.

Jeanne Klaver said...

I do believe you got the message. Keep believing...

S. Etole said...

The beauty in brokenness ... it's hard to let go.

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