Today I have declared to the Universe that I have had enough...of everything. Enough stress, enough unrest, lack of direction, feelings of helplessness to change my life around. I have simply had enough. I know that it is the higher powers that be trying to show me that I have spent my energy on things that do not truly satisfy me for way too long. I know that it's giving me that "gentle" (not so much) push to make a decision of where I would like my life to go. I realize that I have been sustaining this existence on what other people want and expect of me.
Even with all of my realizations, and things that I think that I know...I am still stuck. Frustrated that I have not found my answer. Angry that I am not where I would like to be. Tired of giving, giving and giving some more. Stymied by the fact that I have let myself be brainwashed into thinking that the conventional way was the only way. Burdened by the responsibility of changing, but without the arrow to point my way, I stand still.
I would like for my time to be now. I have prepared the way. I have done my duty. I have been the good soldier. I have fought all the battles and survived the wars. The scars are evident to all who know my at a deeper level.
I am praying for the breakthrough.
Frevently, on my knees.
Hands folded, eyes uplifted.
It is my turn this time. No compromises.
I am through with those.
I have had enough.
2 comments:
Hello Kasia Blue.. I only just found your blog and just wanted to tell you that it's beautiful! As are your lovely poems and your gorgeous, gorgeous jewellery! Your last post sounds so heart-wrung and my thoughts go out to you, sending you strength I hope! I've been there..and sometimes I found poetry helped steer me through the storm, especially this part of T.S.Elliot's 'East Coker'- Four Quartets.
'I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be light, and the stillness the dancing.'
It was that last line that always seemed to lift my heart!
Sending you a big big hug from England!
X
Thanks so much for your kind, and most timely words. I have had such a period of transformation these past few years that I sometimes don't realize just how "deep" my words can be :) Funny how that is... you keep "searching and searching for yourself", only to find that you were always there, waiting (impatiently, I might add) to be discovered by yourself. I know that things will fall into place when I am ready.
Thanks for stopping by and for the hug...they are always just the greatest!
xx
Kasia
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