Somewhere over the Rainbow

As I drove into work this morning, I was blessed to see a tiny snippit of a rainbow. It was very faint, almost a figment of my imagination it seemed...but, every time that I looked up, there it was. And, to send the message home just a little more, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" began to play in the backround (no joke ! The gals from Celtic Woman have such a great harmonized rendition on their new cd...a must listen if you like that kind of stuff).

So, what is the message that I was supposed to receive? Rainbows are usually good luck, I have been told ...don't worry Gracie, I bought the mega millions tickets :) They are said to symbolize new beginnings and and forward movement.

Ahhh...maybe at last I will start to become unstuck.

Maybe my Emerald City is just down the yellow brick road (hopefully not laden with wicked witches and flying monkeys...they always creeped me out).

Maybe I will see the path more clearly, with courage, some smarts and little bit of heart.

Maybe the twisters that have followed me around for the past lifetime will finally start to break apart...and the skies will clear.

Maybe I could get a pair of those ruby slippers...they were snazzy!

Maybe...just maybe, it is my turn to find my way home.

Photo is a stock image.

Questions

Is there a moment where only love exists

where you catch your breath

and feel full inside once again

was there a moment like that between us

was that ever our reality to enjoy

uncluttered by expectations and lies

the unattainable fantasy of perfection

Is this where our heart makes its bed

where the soul sleeps lightly

an unlikely accomplice in our little game

treading water patiently, awaiting its rescue

encircled by sharks and debris from its broken vessel

I have never been the person that you yearned for

the one that ignites your passion

encircles your heart with flames

I am the one that leaves you wanting

searching to reclaim your dignity

for you are too weak to speak the truth

I have locked my heart away

seared the bolts shut with my tears

no longer stoic in my ways

there are no more secret passages

or keys left under the doormat

I will not allow this duplicity its lifeblood

Is there a moment where the heart will stay

open to all possibility and newness

even if it is too weak

to get on its knees to pray?

In These Days of Springtime I Have Walked My Weary Land

In these days of springtime I have walked my weary land
Torn and ravaged by the storms within
I stare at the chaos of my beautiful insanity
Dangling limbs, excised roots, muddy thatches
I am humbled by your power
Enchanted steps taken along the well trodden path
I sidestep the cracks and rough patches
Trying to avoid stumbling, resisting failure
I fall, scraped and muddy
My pride more tattered than my dress
This is the dark abyss that I claim in moments of pure madness
It is these days that resurrect my soul
Correct the solitude of life’s bleak winter
Calm the whirlwind that overtakes my lucid moments
It is the smell of rebirth from the life spring that you create
That is hope for all that are willing to become whole again
In all of the battered land and barren landscape
You are in the process of restoration
Renovating the landscape to the new fashion of the day
A decorator that changes form, size and shape
I am in awe with the realization
That maybe all the destruction was planned
In order to begin anew
Yet, my urge is to stand up against the change
A citadel held strong against the flames and arrows
Steadfast in the battle, unwavering
There is to be no destruction, it is too devastating
Encompassing every memory, every moment
But I am not in control
I do not command the grass to grow
The sun to shine
The wind will blow and I will be changed again
In this springtime I will be reborn from your handiwork

You have plans that I cannot comprehend

Poem written By Kasia May 2007.

Photo is a stock photo...a perfect example of simultaneous destruction and rebirth.

Crossroads

I feel that I am at a crossroads. I am standing there, looking forward...but my path is uncertain, clouded by perceptions that have been laid before me by all those who think that they are in control. I am stuck there, this quagmire of swirling chaos that is called the present. There, in this space I am dying. Desolation and self loathing creeps in, only to be pushed away by imperfection and fear...such good friends I keep these days. I know that my shell is breaking, the new self wants to emerge. But who is that person? How does she fit into the plan? I would love for someone to point their finger and give me the direction that I need, but everyone around me seems paralyzed...or is it just me?

I am looking to the new breath of each day. Fingers crossed that this one will be better than the next. Hopeful, grateful, and so wanting that change to come. It will be there, I know...but not in my timeframe. For if that was the case, I would be there already.

Photo is a stock photo from a man named Peter...love his stuff!